Wednesday, July 8, 2015

2:30am thoughts

I remember being in high school and having my biggest worry being what to wear to the party Friday night. I remember thinking that by 26, I'd have it all figured out - career, husband and kids. If only I knew then what I know now. Don't we all say that though? 

In the last few months I've been debating, and when I say debating I mean not sleeping and having breakdowns, of whether I was returning to ship life or staying home. It all seemed pretty clear to me that I was going to head back out for another contract. UNTIL .. my dad brought up going back to school. That's why I went out there anyways, to save money for school. He just mentioned about going back earlier than I wanted. I've graduated from two programs but haven't been having luck finding a job in my field, so I'm going to pursue my next passion which is the law and policing. I've always dreamed of being on the K-9 unit - well, animal half down, just need the other half. 

Anyway, I was accepted into the programs and my mind was made up that I was going back to school. It might take me a while to find a job and a job that I can also keep during school. That's a little more difficult than I thought. 

Some people were not happy with my decision and think the law field isn't for me. I HATE when people have their doubts about me, but that only drives me more to prove them wrong. However, sitting here wide awake at, now 2:36am, I wonder if I made the right choice. I see photos and videos of people on ships and I do miss it but I think what I need right now in my life is the steadiness of being on land and in school.

I will ALWAYS miss being on the ocean and ship life. I will ALWAYS wonder if I made the right decision. One day I feel confident and the next day I don't. I think will always be wondering and going back and forth. Making a tough decision is never easy and I wonder how long it will take me to feel 100% confident in my decision every single day. 


Ps. Are we all enjoying Shark Week?? 

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